Your Heart Is True; You’re a Pal and a Confidant

It was nearly six months ago that my loving girlfriend Katie and I started something fantastic, and I don’t think that I’ll be able to bear it when it ends. One night, we went up to our bedroom to retire for the evening and when we turned on our TV, it was still on The Hallmark Channel. “Lord knows what she was watching earlier today,” I thought to myself.

There were two commercials… then this familiar tune hit me like a freight train.

I used to watch The Golden Girls a lot when I was a Nerd Padawan. My parents and grandparents thoroughly enjoyed the senior citizen antics of these adorable, hilarious, and strong ladies and I laughed along with them. I had not, however, seen an episode in over a decade and once the episode was over, I wanted MORE! Thankfully, it turns out that The Hallmark Channel has a two hour block of Golden Girls almost every night. We laughed our asses off into the wee hours and when it was over, it was only our sadness and the void in our hearts that lulled us to sleep.

I jumped out of bed the next morning with purpose. “This just won’t do,” I thought to myself, “I AM A NERD!  Nerds don’t just wait for a television station to show them their favorite programs. They collect, they binge, and THEN they are satisfied.” Katie and I ventured to our local purveyor of movies and music, hoping to find at least the first season of The Golden Girls. What we found was nothing short of a miracle: Season 1 and Season 2… both available… for $10 a piece. “They must know,” I said to Katie, referring to the spirits of our dearly departed Golden Girls cast members, “this is a sign.”

Though I wanted to proceed with my usual routine (you know… watch 10 or so episodes at a time) I was fervently dissuaded by Katie, who I didn’t realize until then, was JUST as obsessed as me. I had to wait to watch the episodes with her or my manhood was to be removed and buried deep in the forest where no one would ever find it. So, over the next few months, we watched a couple of episodes before bed as many nights as we could. There are not enough words that I can conjure up to express the pure delight of being transported to the Golden Girls’ house in Miami in the 1980s. So, I will show you some hilarious highlights.

Like any great TV comedy, it took until Season 2 for it to really find its rhythm:

We made it through the first two seasons, and then…  there was yet another void. We went back to The Hallmark Channel for a couple of weeks which didn’t seem to bother Katie too much, but it was killing me inside. If The Golden Girls DVDs were heroin (which they were to me) then random episodes viewed on regular television were merely methadone. Once again, this simply would NOT do.

The holiday season was upon us and all I wanted from my lady love was an Amazon gift card. Once Christmas had come, and the gift card was in my grasp, there was only one thing on my mind. I immediately bought seasons 3-7 and the vacuous hole in my soul was finally filled. 

My newest obsession (of which I have many) was in full swing and though I could see the true glory held within nearly every episode, my friends and co-workers couldn’t see it. They dismissed me as either an overly nostalgic hipster type or just an idiot. “Am I crazy?” I thought. “Is this something that I need to worry about?” Like any reputable Nerd, I had to do some digging.

What I found was astonishing. Not only was I perfectly sane, but I had no idea the effect that The Golden Girls had had on the world. The first thing I stumbled upon was The Golden Girls Network. This is a website that though currently under construction is trying to put older ladies together with each other to seemingly simulate the experience portrayed in The Golden Girls. After more digging, I found an article on the NPR website.

Apparently, this phenomenon started with two ingredients: one was the overwhelming amount of female “Baby Boomers” (those born between 1948 and 1964) with no husbands or children to speak of and the other was Bonnie Moore. Moore had been through a divorce and in order to be financially sound enough to stay in her house, she needed help. Naturally, roommates were in order, but she was quite particular about the roommates that she chose. She not only wanted ladies that would get along with her an each other, but also independent women. Thus, The Golden Girls Network was born. What Bonnie Moore is currently creating is “a searchable database where active mature homeowners and home seekers can find each other.”

It turns out that I wasn’t crazy. Not only was The Golden Girls a multiple Emmy award winning show that was cleverly written and brilliantly acted, but its effect had reached far beyond a television audience. If you were hoping for a detailed analysis of the show, or the performances, I apologize. There is no better education that I can offer you other than the one that I am in the middle of experiencing. I am currently starting Season 4 and when I finally finish the entire series, I have a feeling that I will just go ahead and start all over again.

 Sean Moriarty

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