The 5 Summer Movies That I AM DYING TO SEE!

Note: This article contains explicit language.

#5 – Star Trek: Into Darkness



“Only number 5!?” cries every nerd worldwide. Yes, just number 5 but it’s a short list. Abrams’ Star Trek reboot in 2009 was, to be cliched as hell, A REVELATION! It was so good, I saw it five times in the theaters, then bought the Blu-Ray on release day. I can never get enough of it. It is truly a sci-fi masterpiece.

Now, the sophomore Trek movie… I have some reservations. The trailers look amazing, however they reveal almost nothing about the plot. As my good friend Dan said to me right after we saw the first teaser, “It looks nothing like a Star Trek movie.” That is my first reservation. Into Darkness does not look like any Star Trek movie, including the last one, which can be a really good thing, or a really bad thing. The picture could either delve deeper than we imagined possible into the Stark Trek universe and blow us all away, or it will stray so far from what has been tried and true that it loses not only the hardcore Trekkies, but the new fans as well.

The second reservation I have is that Abrams ditched the Star Trek franchise to direct Star Wars: Episode VII. How great can this Star Trek sequel be if Abrams is so willing to leave the series behind? This coupled with rumors that he butted heads with Paramount during production of Into Darkness lead me to believe that it could be less awesome than all the hype says it will be.

I remain optimistic, though. These reservations I have and the vague but flashy trailers only make me want to see the movie more. I need to know if it’s good. I need to know if it’s bad. I just plain NEED to see it on May 17th!

#4 – The Hangover Part III



The Hangover was one of the funniest movies that I have ever seen.  The Hangover II was a quickly made and poorly thought out sequel that I forgot about 30 seconds after watching it. Now, having been burned so badly by Part II, why would I give a shit about a third? The most recently released trailer is the answer to that question.

Everything in the trailer calls back to the first installment. It’s almost as if Todd Phillips and Warner Bros have forgotten that Part II even existed. Superb! I forgot it too, but not how much I felt cheated when I spent hard earned American dollars to see it. These guys have a lot of making up to do, so they better have some extremely hilarious tricks up their sleeves.


That’s right, ladies and gents. The man, the myth, the legend… John Motherfucking Goodman! I’m sold as of this point. Goodman plays the proverbial “bad guy” in the third and final chapter to the newly dubbed “Wolfpack Trilogy.” Any movie that John has touched recently has either been good or great so hopes are high for May 24th’s epic finale.

Speaking of Wolfpacks and epic finales, that is exactly the kind of terminology that is selling me and a bunch of other Hangover fans.  Plastered all over the posters and the trailers are references to “The Wolfpack” and “The End.” as if a legend as great as The Dark Knight’s is coming to a close. Finality… I love that shit like Lindsay Lohan loves coke-fueled gangbangs. They could come out with a trailer for a new Daredevil movie WITH BEN AFFLECK AS DAREDEVIL STILL… and as long as it ended with something like “THE SPELLBINDING CONCLUSION TO THE DAREDEVIL SAGA,” I’d be there with bells on.

#3 – Pacific Rim



I am, like many of my nerd brothers and sisters, enamored with giant robots. It started with the Transformers cartoons that I watched as a child and continued as I played the bad ass MechWarrior games on my computer or console. (They now have an Online Game… which rules.) I even enjoyed the hospital fire of a film ROBOT JOX, despite it having a terrible story with laughable dialogue. All it needed was giant robots.

Thankfully, Michael Bay no longer has the giant robot movie market cornered. With Guillermo del Toro directing and co-writing the screenplay for Pacific Rim, we’re sure to have a film with meaningful character development and astutely written dialogue amidst the earth-shattering special effects. The same cannot be said for the Transformers films. I love them to death for my own reasons, but the CGI is the only true star of those movies.

Don’t think for a second that I forgot that Pacific Rim is ALSO a monster movie. I adore giant monsters only slightly less than I do giant robots so naturally, my nerd boner stood at full attention once it realized it had a two-for-one on its hands. Yes… it has hands.  Hands that will no doubt be clapping on July 11th when this movie comes out.

#2 – Iron Man 3



I almost feel like I don’t have to justify my feelings towards any Iron Man movie… but I’m going to anyway!

For lack of a better term, this movie looks dope. Let’s go down the list of reasons why, just based on the trailers and TV spots.

• The Mandarin
Not only does Tony Stark finally get to face his arch-nemesis on screen, but Academy Award winning actor Ben Kingsley is playing him. If you haven’t seenSexy Beast, please check it out before seeing Iron Man 3 and you’ll understand why he is an excellent choice for any villain.

•Iron Legion
Unless you have missed every promo for this flick, in which case you must be Amish, you’ve seen what I’m referring to: a shitload of Iron Men all backing Tony up in what looks like a scene of legendary proportions.

•Pepper In The Suit?
 A few ostentatiously revealing ads for Iron Man 3 have shown good ol’ Gwyneth Paltrow rocking the Iron Man suit. I kind of wish they saved that part of the story for theatergoers, but at the same time it makes my hunger grow even greater.

•Iron Man Rises
In this 3rd installment, Tony looks as if he can and might lose everything he holds dear. From the previews it looks like Pepper is a huge target for the evil forces at work, Stark’s mansion gets leveled, at one point he has to drag his suit behind him through the snow looking beaten and broken, and the simple fact that Tony needs an army of Iron Men to back him up screams, “Oh shit… it’s about to get real!” I compare this to The Dark Knight Rises because I see similarities in the heroes’ level of adversity. We’ve never seen Tony in this deep of a hole and I can’t wait to see how he digs himself out.

And last, but certainly the opposite of least…

#1 – Man of Steel



I’m going to put it on “Front Street” for you right now. I love Superman. If any of you have a problem with that, you might as well fuck right off, right now. I know that a lot of people think that the Man of Steel saga is an antiquated story of an overgrown Boy Scout, but I see it differently. What is antiquated is what he represents, which is very sad. On June 14th, Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan are going to prove the naysayers wrong and give new life to the once dated story of Krypton’s last son.

Christopher Nolan producing should be promising on its own. Look what he did with Batman. He brought realism, profound themes, and deep, dark character development to a character who was last seen on Bat-skates playing hockey with a giant diamond. He should be able to work wonders for the Man of Steel.

Zack Snyder knows how to direct a comic book movie. He’s done it twice to much fanfare. 300Watchmen, and also Sucker Punch all have a similar visual style to them which has become Snyder’s trademark. What really excites me is that Man of Steel looks nothing like any other Snyder picture. We’re going to see a whole new side to one of Hollywood’s most auspicious directors.

Most Superman nerds will tell you that the last good live action Superman movie was 1981’s Superman II. While I do agree that Superman III and dare I even speak its name… The Quest For Peace were both cinematic atrocities, I think that Superman Returns gets a bad rap. Sure, it tried too hard to be in the cinematic universe of the original films and sure, it was low on action and full of soap opera drama between Lois, Clark, and their half-breed Superbaby. It was still fucking Superman fucking flying and deflecting large caliber bullets and shit. That should be enough sometimes.

Anyway, my point is, whether you loved or hated any of the Superman films is immaterial. Nolan, Snyder, and the well picked cast of Man of Steel are bringing us a fresh and gritty take on a story older than most of our grandparents. With their track records, it would be a crime not to get all hot and bothered over my most anticipated Summer 2013 release.


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