Shat on Love


Here we are again, Valentine’s Day, or less that affectionately known to others as singles awareness day. Today is a time for many to celebrate love, but for this nerdy girl, I see it as a time to celebrate chocolate, with the perk of seeing nerdy themed valentines (like these, these, and this).

Now it may not come as a surprise to some of you, but I’ve never been one to really get into celebrating this holiday. I have plenty of cynical and deeply personal reasons for this, but one thing is that I don’t quite understand the point of spending money lame hallmark cards that don’t quite come from the heart,when there are better options (see nerdy valentines above).

Perhaps, you can make a valentine for your love to show how much you care! Show him/her that you really understand them and say what you really feel the best way you can.

Stumped for ideas? Let me help you. Or better yet, let’s have William Shatner give you some assistance!

You see, folks, a few months ago an app called Shatoetry graced the iPhone world, and it has been the single greatest app purchase I have ever experienced. This lovely tool contains over 400 words, each with three different emphases, that you can arrange into a beautiful poem. Once you’re set, you hit play and Captain mutha effin Kirk reads your poem aloud. And it updates for each holiday to provide a new theme!

Now if that doesn’t get your V-Day date swooning, I don’t know what will.

When I downloaded the Valentine’s Day update, I instantly texted my Nerdonomy cohorts and demanded they partake in a contest: send me a Shatoetry and I will decide which is the best! Slowly but surely the submissions came in, and I was overjoyed. So overjoyed that I would love to share the entries with you fine people of the internet, and tell you the winner!

(Hey, I turned this crazy thing into a topical blog post! It’s like I planned it or something.)

So here they are, and may I just say to my dear colleagues, this was a ridiculously difficult decision. All five of you made my Valentine’s Day magical. (Click the names to see the Shatisms!)

Honorable Submissions:
David: The best moment in this shatism would be the imagery and metaphor of “bells moving up and down.” Not too sure on whatever Dave is calling his  joyous pebble.

Bryan: “Spasm’s in strange places,” eh Bryan? This was really quite good! I appreciated the subtlety and the timing on the last three words really punctuated the poem.

Third Place Winner (Most Confident):
Kevin: This one got the best laugh from me, and ladies, we all know confidence is sexy, right? Damn, Kevin. That is all it takes, eh?

Second Place Winner (Most Pornographic):
Eric: My oh my, Eric. 50 Shats of Grey right here. So this is what happens when “magical woman places” and “tender cocktails” come together: a resounding “yes yes yes.”

First Place Winner:
Sean: What can I say? This was such a great use of rhyme, and “chaotic beings crashing with love” was a beautiful phrase. The care in phrasing and emphasis options showed craftsmanship of the app. As I told you when you submitted this, Sean, you are the Lord Byron of Shatoetry.

So there you have it! Charm your significant other (or perhaps secret crush?) with some Shatoetry. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get laid, but you never know until you try.

And if you care to challenge my opinion, hit me up on twitter. Or perhaps you wish to submit your own Shatoetry via email. Go nuts! I’d love to hear from you.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

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