I want a B.A. in JUSTICE! Part I


Photo Credit: CollegeHumor.com

When we were all children, we had dreams. Some kids promise that when they grow up, they will become astronauts. Some kids even innocently swear they will become dinosaurs upon adulthood. Me? I wanted to be Batman. Even other 4 to 5-year-olds laughed at this concept. And yet, I was not deterred. Of course, even at 4 years old, I was a rational individual who understood it would take millions of dollars, and virtually limitless resources, but even more importantly, the right amount of know-how.

So for those of you who had that same dream, and are out there feeling awash in academia, frequently vacillating in between the ebbing and flowing currents of social pressures, inner-most desires and financial safety, and I present to you a challenging, but enriching experiment.

Here is how you can spend 4-10 years in college studying how to become a superhero:

STEP 1:  Get into a 4-Year College

If you are devoted to fighting crime, you should (arguably) have a high enough IQ to get in to any 4-year college program. Please note here that intelligence and sanity are two entirely different concepts, and you may have to lack some of the latter to attempt the rest of the challenge.

If you have enough options to choose from, choose a school with a strong enough dedication to Liberal Arts education where you can be flexible with your course choices.

STEP 2: Declare Your Own Major

Many colleges allow you to develop your own special major nowadays. More specifically, all colleges in the California State University/University of California systems have allowed this for well over a decade. You can do this, but it will take some convincing. The CSU where I attended college required submitting a proposal, and it could not be a major offered at any other campus in their system.

You obviously have to show some level of honesty in this. You can’t just fill out a form saying, “I want to major in Zombology!” They will say no, and call security. However, I did hear UC Santa Cruz is making progress in their own Zombie related degrees. Granted, that is more ridiculous, and has nothing to do with superheroism, but I think you get the point.

You need to sound intelligent and straightforward in your decision when filling out said paperwork. In order to prevent you from being discovered in your clandestine oath to be a Bringer of Justice, name it in a way where it sounds interesting, but not too much of a dead-giveaway that you’ve gone batshit (pun intended). Recommended Major titles may be Alternative Criminal Justice Studies, or my personal favorite, Liberal Studies with a Concentration on Criminal Justice and Technology.

If you need to go into further detail to get the major approved, find some way of connecting the words in your major’s proposed title to general enough themes so that they will lose suspicion, and may even be intrigued by your answer.

Voila! You are now set on your quest to achieve undergraduate proficiency in avenging the downtrodden and conquering the criminal underworld at large. Well done.

Tune in just a couple of days for Part 2 of this B.A. in JUSTICE miniseries, where I will go into a full 120-unit course plan of how to achieve this nonsensical, but totally awesome, degree.