Howdy, Nerdonomy blog fans! Before I get to the letter, let’s catch you up in case you’ve been busy the past couple of days or you just crawled out from under a rock. If its the latter, I am thoroughly impressed that you figured out how to use a computer and found our website so quickly.
Dear Mr. Bay,
You have no doubt been dealing with a cavalcade of negativity from your unexpectedly brief appearance at CES 2014 this week. It also seems that you have a ton of supporters that are responding to the hate you’ve been receiving with loving remarks along the lines of “He’s only human.” Being that I am just a podcaster and a blogger, I’m sure that my opinion on this matter means little or nothing to you, and if I were you, it sure as hell wouldn’t mean a damn thing to me. That being said, I have some things that I need to say to you.
Your response to the whole CES debacle was the following:
“Wow! I just embarrassed myself at CES. I was about to speak for Samsung for this awesome Curved 105-inch UHD TV. I rarely lend my name to any products, but this one is just stellar. I got so excited to talk, that I skipped over the Exec VP’s intro line and then the teleprompter got lost. Then the prompter went up and down – then I walked off. I guess live shows aren’t my thing.”
I think that it is pretty classy for you to admit fault for the teleprompter error. Hopefully, that saved the job of the crew member who was likely blamed for your disappearing act at the time. If it didn’t save his or her job, then hire that person for one of your upcoming projects. It’s the least that you could do.
Unlike the rest of the assholes online, I am not going to start ranting about how bad your movies are and how you’re the worst director working today. That’s not true. You once said that your movies are mostly made for teenage boys, and in that case, you’re doing a great job. Hell… I’m thirty now and I will still line up for Transformers 4 because I just like watching robots blow each other up.
What I am going to start ranting about is the fact that nowhere in your little statement on your website is there any semblance of an apology. You never apologized to Samsung, to your fans that may have gone to see you speak, or to the crew member who may have been fired or at the very least chewed out pretty hard after you ran away. That’s pretty shitty, sir. Just because your films have grossed a total of over four billion dollars worldwide, doesn’t mean you can prance around like you’re made of fucking Teflon.
Look at this picture of you. If you could take a step back, even you could admit that this looks like the douche-bag smirk on the face of a guy who seems to be thinking, “I fucking rule. I drive fast cars and I blow shit up. My hair looks better than yours. Fuck you if you don’t like it.” Based on what actors, crew members, etc. have said about you, this is probably close to the truth. You have been called a “Nazi,” “unbearable,” and “appalling” by those that have worked with you. Every great producer/director has people who badmouth them, and exaggerate tales of their inability to work with someone who is such a dick. Most smart people can look past that, see the finished product, and forgive their indiscretions behind the scenes.
In the case of CES, there was no finished product. Samsung got fucked by not having one of Hollywood’s biggest directors speak about their new curved television, any of your fans that were there got to see you speak for a minute then run into the wings of the stage like a coward, followed by a short explanation with no apology. That sucks, Mikey. That sucks hard.
So if you do have a big set of balls hanging between those legs of yours, I suggest you prove it and you say “I’M SORRY.”
Also… if public speaking isn’t your thing, then let someone else of your caliber like Gore Verbinski pimp Samsung products. Its not like you need the money.
Twitter – @BigSeanMo
Photo of Michael Bay provided by IMDB.com.